Hayley Mariah : pre mission thoughts

As of today I have exactly 51 days until I enter the MTC. It still seems to be a ways away, but I know that time is going to fly by and before you know it I'll be packing up my two 62 inch-50 pound suitcases and heading out the door.

I thought it might be fun to write out some of my thoughts as well as my answers to some of the questions I've been getting asked prior to my mission. This may be enlightening to some of you but it is mainly so I'll have something funny to look back on and laugh at how naive I was before my mission. It will be good to see how my perceptions change.

One of the questions I have been asked the most is "Are you nervous?"

Hmm well let's see... I am about to leave my family and everything I know behind to live in a place I've never been before with people I've never met and try to teach random strangers about Jesus. So yes people I am, in fact, nervous. It is a crazy, terrifying thing! But also a wonderful thing. I am really not as nervous as I would expect myself to be however. I know that I will be in the Lord's hands and that I am doing His will for me. Honestly, the things causing me the most stress now are whether or not I need rain boots, how I'm going to survive in 90 degree plus 80% humidity weather riding a bicycle, and if they really are going to make me finish all my food (petite people problems).

I have also been experiencing the "am I gonna know enough" anxiety that I'm sure every future missionary experiences. I feel like I won't know the Bible well enough. I won't know the doctrine or the life of Jesus well enough. I won't know how to quote scriptures out of the top of my head or correctly quote prophets well enough.

Basically I've convinced myself that if I don't know absolutely everything there is to know about this gospel and answer all my investigators questions correctly then they won't gain a testimony and be baptized.

When in fact, no one on this earth is perfect and that includes missionaries. However, Jesus Christ and his gospel are perfect and the truths that it teaches will be enough.

Another question most often asked is "Are you excited?"

YES. So much so. I get to labor in the vineyard and bring souls unto Christ. I get to save people and show them the way back to happiness. I get to tell people that their family is forever and this life is eternal. I get to show people just how loved and valued they are by a Heavenly Father. I will be working side-by-side with the Lord in his work.

"Because ye have been diligent in laboring with me in my vineyard... ye shall have joy with me" (Jacob 5:75)

I know that missionary work is going to bring me so much joy and I can't wait to share it with others.

Of course I am way pumped just to go to and live in North Carolina. I am so excited for all the cool experiences, beautiful sceneries and different cultures. And I better be saying ya'll for the rest of my life.

And the last question is "So what are you doing until you leave?"

Mainly I'm just trying to squeeze as many fun summer activities that I can into the two months I have left. I work a couple of times a week at Jcrew. And of course I spend a lot of time preparing whether it be by scripture study, listening to conference talks, reading books on missionary work, or checking the internet for mid-length skirts.

Some days I feel like I am so darn ready to just get out there. It feels like I have been waiting for forever. The time it took to start and finish my papers, turn them in, have them be delayed another month and a half. And now the four months I am waiting from the time I got my call to the time I leave.

I definitely have learned a lot of patience.

And other days I don't want to leave yet. I need all the time I can get to spend with all the people that I love. I need more time to study and prepare. I need more time to be "ready".

Of course I know I'll never actually be ready. No one is.

Henry B. Eyring said "Don't worry about how inexperienced you are or think you are, but think about what, with the Lord's help, you can become."

I am very grateful for my calling as a missionary and I can't wait to get out there.

(Here's some of my fav shots from my missionary pictures courtesy of Meg Barlow)