lessons learned... almost.

So I have been missing in action on the whole blog thing for a while now, which isn't really surprising to me cause let's face it, I can get pretty darn lazy if I want to. Also, there have been a whole lot of crappy things going on in my life the past little while that I just flat out didn't want to write about. I mean, who wants to hear about all the heartaches and sorrows of a teenage girl's life? Not me. I have become vey self absorbed in my own misery and have thrown quite the pity party for myself.

But I have learned quite a few things lately that I definitely didn't before.  I wanted to write (or ya know type) them all down so that I can not only remind myself, but let you all know too, that despite all the soul-hurt, and rip-you-apart pain that we experience in this life, there is always something to be learned and a chance to grow and that you will find happiness again.

A very important thing that I have learned is that God does not purposely give us trials in our life to cause us pain, harm, or sorrow.  God's plan for us is a plan of happiness and he gives us the strength and skills necessary to deal with the pains and sorrows of this life.  We have our agency and many times people in our lives use their agency to make a choice or choices that can hurt us.  Heavenly Father did not make them do that.  He didn't tell that person to lie to you or hurt your feelings.  My family has suffered a lot over the past year because of the choices of one family member.  I often fall to the temptation to ask the questions "Why me?" or "Why would God allow this to happen?".  The truth is, no one in this life escapes adversity, sadness and suffering are universal.  If this did not exist, there would be no point to this life which is to grow, learn, and endure to the end.  President Thomas S. Monson states this idea perfectly in his conference talk "I Will Not Fail Thee, nor Forsake Thee"(ps everyone should read this talk it will save your life)  he says:

"Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in, also knows that we learn and grow and become stronger as we face and survive the trials through which we must pass. We know that there are times when we will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were—better than we were, more understanding than we were, more empathetic than we were, with stronger testimonies than we had before."
-President Thomas S. Monson "I Will Not Fail Thee, nor Forsake Thee" General Conference October 2013 

Now I'm not saying that I now understand all my trials perfectly and I am grateful for all of them because I'm not, at least not yet.  It has been pretty freaking hard and I have experienced pains that I would never wish on anyone else.  But I have definitely recognized the growth and learning that has taken place in me because of them. 

Something that has been one of the hardest things to learn is that God has a plan for us that may be different from what our plan for ourselves is.  I have had to let go ( or at least try to) of the plan that I had for myself in high school as well as some people that were really important to me.  This has been so incredibly difficult for me because I have simply not seen any other way. 

I'm stubborn. I don't give up. I want to keep holding on. 

I think I know what is best for me as well as for other people in m life, but in reality Heavenly Father knows what is best for me.  I believed so hard that if I just wanted something bad enough and tried as hard as I could for it, I would get it.  And I did need to hold on, just for a while, hold on to my plan and to that person so that I could learn that it is okay to let go even if you still care and you don't understand everything fully. C.S Lewis says "Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."

I am really not a fan of the whole letting go thing, but I have found that after you have done all that you feel you could do, it is necessary.  You can't destroy yourself for the sake of someone else.  The people that are meant to be in your life will always gravitate back, no matter how far they might wander.  Heavenly Father is watching over you and the people you care about even when you can't.  I have to learn to let go of the life I had planned, so that I can have the life that is waiting for me.

I have also learned the necessity of forgiveness.  All of us poor humans on this Earth really do not know what the heck we are doing most of the time and we tend to hurt each other.  A lot.  However, there are those few select humans who always seem to have it together. But the large majority of us make mistakes, can be mean, selfish, arrogant, immature, and just plain stupid.  Sometimes good people make bad choices.  That doesn't make them bad, but it means that they are human.

I am so so very far from perfect.  I have made more than my share of mistakes in this life and have been mean, selfish, arrogant, immature, and just plan stupid on countless occasions.  I have to rely on the fact that people will be willing to forgive me of the hurt I have caused, so in turn I have to forgive others. I have learned that holding on to anger, is only damaging to yourself. There is no reason to punish someone further with anger and resentment because chances are they hurt you because they themselves are hurting.  It's funny how we all want to be forgiven, but it is so hard for us to forgive others.  It's definitely been hard for me, but it is so worth it.

I have realized that people need to be encouraged. People need to be reminded of how wonderful they are. People need to be believed in and told that they are brave, smart, and capable human beings.  I have spent far too much time punishing others for not living up to my unrealistic expectations I have had for them.  People are going to hurt you and it's okay to be angry, sad, and feel hurt yourself, but only for a little while.  Do not let the anger, sadness, and hurt consume you and dictate your reactions and the rest of you life.  In the words of Augustus Waters, " You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you".

I am blessed to know that through the atoning sacrifice of my Savior I can repent and be forgiven of my faults and transgressions and in turn we are required to forgive others.  Our Father in Heaven will not fail or forsake us during the heartbreaking times of our lives, but desires us to learn and progress.
He has a plan for our lives, one that will bring us more happiness that we can comprehend if we are able to let go of the life you thought you had planned.

All of these lessons did not come about all at once.  It was not a sudden overnight change where I let go of all my anger and forgave everyone and understood everything perfectly.  It has taken me a very long time to reach this point and I still have a long ways to go.  Life is hard folks, there is no reason to sugarcoat it.  But things will eventually get better.  Thank goodness there are many wonderful, beautiful, and amazing things in this world that make it all worth it.


(like going to Disneyland and holding so many balloons you might just fly away)

 
Thanks for listening friends.